The awkward in-between.

I am in the awkward in-between phase of pregnancy. I am almost 4 months pregnant and I am showing a little bit. But not enough to really look cute yet. But just enough to look like I stopped running and have been hitting the chips and salsa pretttttay hard. I am trying to embrace the bump, but because the bump doesn’t look exactly like a bump yet, it’s proving to be a challenge.

Every morning when I wake up, I go through the five stages of grief. Not because I am sad, but because I am mourning the loss of a wardrobe that fit me correctly and anxiously awaiting looking pregnant enough to show it. These are the five stages of awkward-in between:

Denial: I can totally just wear what I normally wear. *Puts on outfit. Looks in mirror. Rubs belly. Changes 10 times. Looks fat but not really pregnant. Puts on robe.* Which brings us to the next stage, anger.

Anger: It’s so frustrating that my pants don’t fit. I am angry that it’s hot in my bathroom and I feel gigantic and I just want to wear pants. I have been wearing mostly dresses since December and I just really miss pants. I am also angry that it’s not spring. If it were spring, I could put on a dress without leggings so my gut could breathe. @#$%&!!!!

Bargaining: If I can just fit in one pair of pants, I promise not to complain about wearing dresses the rest of the week.

Depression: Wahhhhhhhhhh. I look fat. I feel fat. I feel hungry. And sad. But mostly hungry.

Acceptance: I accept this in-between body. Translation: puts on leggings and a dress, calls it a day.

Basically, my mornings are me making this face for one entire hour:


(Just as a side note, Chrissy Teigen, pictured above, is my favorite human being on the planet that I have never met. Her honesty and transparency about life, being a celebrity, body image, a love of food and her struggles with infertility make her my hero. But mostly, she is really funny and makes faces that just can’t hide her real emotions. She is the best.)

I think it’s time to start planning my ensembles in advance and/or praying for spring.


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